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Dear Bono: Leave Haiti Alone

January 20, 2010

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"Shut up betch, I'm speaking for your people"

It was only a matter of time really, wasn’t it?

Bono is teaming up with Jay-Z and producer Swizz Beatz (yes, that is his name) to record a charity single for Haiti. Swizz Beatz took to Twitter to say:

“ME , BONO ,HOVA, HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT HAITI STAY TUNNED I TOLD YOU I WAS WORKING ON SOMETHING AMAZING FOR HAITI THEY NEED US!!!!!!”

Yes, Mr. Beatz, Haiti need you to break it down for them. Forget food and safe drinking water, shelter, logistical coordination, and access to immediate medical care, what Haiti really needs is for Bono to release another self-serving pop song in his endless pursuit to be the next Messiah.

I just don’t get it though. Yes, yes, celebrities are the new royalty, their cultural influence is unrivaled, and they need to set good examples. But surely one can go a bit further than making a pop song. Why doesn’t Bono dip into his deep pockets and pull out some moolah for Haiti without having to subject our ears to another natural disaster?

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Madonna: "People ask me why I chose Malawi. I didn't: it chose me"....ORLY?

You know, I’m not going to sit here like a jackass complaining about celebrities who are ‘saving’ the world. Brangelina are cool, Sandra Bullock is cool, Darryll Hannah: cool; hell, I’ll even give you Mia Farrow’s Darfur. But it’s this certain type of celebrity that, try as they might, can’t help but make the world’s suffering all about them. I’m all for raising awareness about a cause, but if you’re going to do it, then just try to get people to understand the roots of what causes this suffering. I know it’s hard, Bono, but it’s not all about you.

Then of course, there’s Madonna, whose hopelessly self-indulgent solilquoy on Malawi, entitled, wait for it, “I Am Because We Are”, went on and on about…you know what, just watch it for yourselves, and, if you can keep count, see how many times she talks about “me”, “I”, and “my”:

Madonna, as a development expert, let me give you one piece of advice: if you want to save Malawi, it’s going to need much more structural involvement than releasing a documentary about your own personal growth.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. Salmonella permalink
    January 21, 2010 7:49 pm

    Kickass dude! Honestly its not just about the money. How about handing over some of their time to get their asses down to Haiti to actually do some groundwork and really help people. Not all of us have the financial means to actually do what we want. How about making sure that the money all these celebs are contributing is actually ending up in the right hands. I think a lot of these celebs just think its ok to hand over that money and then wipe their hands clean of anything to do with it anymore. Let’s face it, most of them are self serving, self important, self righteous asses.

  2. sysh permalink*
    January 22, 2010 11:36 am

    Absolutely–coverage for a cause is good, but when George Clooney is mentioned in connection with Darfur more times than the Justice and Equality Movement, Khalil Ibrahim, the Sudan Liberation Army, Abdel Wahid Al-Nur AND the Darfur Peace Agreement COMBINED, how much can *really* be learnt?

Trackbacks

  1. No Simon, not ‘Everybody Hurts’: Deconstructing Simon Cowell’s Song for Haiti « err…whaterverz

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