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The Grammy’s: Where Megalomania Meets Art

February 1, 2010

Beysus Christ

There was something about the celebratory circle jerk that was the Grammy Awards that really irked me this year.

Beyonce performed her hit ‘If I Were a Boy’ followed by a sanitized, rendition of Alanis Morisette’s “You Oughtta Know”, sans the profanities, at which point Beysus Christ moved the microphone away from her mouth, as if to suggest “I am a 21st century lady, I do not use profanities, so help me God”. It really got me thinking that (a) I really miss the raw anger and originality that Morisette had in her first album, and (b) ofcourse Beysus would remove all aggro from that song and turn it into an orgy of megalomania celebrating her own magnificence. Put a ring on it, etc. Spare me.

At the end of the day though, Beyonce can sing, but it really wasn’t that great of a performance. Next year Beyonce will probably go on stage, cough up phlegm, and everyone will cry out in joy as the angels descend from heaven singing ‘Halo’. Art.

Lady Gaga and Elton John at the Grammys

Then there was the Lady Gaga/Elton John piano-bashing duet, which seemed to be awe-inspiring for the sake of being awe-inspiring. As if having those two in the same room was just pure ‘art’ and if you didn’t appreciate it then you just totally didn’t “get it”. And seeing poor Elton with grime smeared all over his face probably because Gaga talked him into it was slightly tragic (“really, you think the kids will love it if I smear shit on my face? Really? Ok”).

The thing is though, Gaga’s very good, and so as much as it is annoying that she played into all these Gaga = God analogies by having some guy (whats his name?) leech off her fame by MCing throughout her first performance (which towards the end had her literally thrown into the flames of pop hell, or something), the pre-performance hype said MC was creating did live up to the actual performance.

The Grammy showed that Gaga, love her or hate her, has really transformed the musical landscape, with everyone from Beysus to Elton ramping up their performances. And that’s a good thing. But these new Gaga-inspired performances are becoming a bit too pompous and serious– any humour is a kind of knowing humour that sometimes it forgets that pop music should also be, well, fun. And that’s what was kind of grating about the entire thing.

And then, as the climax of pop bukake was nearing its end, Michael Jackson’s kids came on stage, as if to milk the final juices of exploitation out of that poor man’s life. Everyone, including of course Beysus (who is at this point nothing short of the zeitgeist of the music world), watched in awe as MJ’s son fobbed his lines. I don’t get it, are we gazing in awe at just how weird these kids turned out? Because it’s not like they’re actually Michael’s biological kids or anything. But, nonetheless, dignified respect, man.

But it’s the Grammy’s, that’s what it’s all about, reight?

Here are 3 other things that irked me about the whole thing:

1. Are we the only ones disappointed at the complete absence of Rihallah? She won a fucking grammy for fuck’s sake, and she didn’t even perform or present anything!

2. How tragic was Ke$ha’s presentation skills last night? First the guy she was with flubbed his lines while trying to be funny (and let’s face it, if you’re making fun of Beysus or her husband, it’s not funny). Then Ke$ha desperately tried to keep up the “I’m too drunk for this shit” schtick. Not (yet) relevant, Ke$ha, not yet.

3. Taylor Swift winning album of the year? Seriously? Who does this betch have in her corner bullying the academy into giving their votes away to her? Or is she still reaping the benefits of Kanye stealing her ‘moment’? Don’t get me wrong – she’s a nice girl and definitely talented for her age, and, really, who hasn’t been known to break into “Love Story” every now and then, but ALBUM OF THE YEAR? Especially when she was up against Gaga, Black Eyed Peas, and Beysus, who all had unbelievably strong albums and the biggest singles of the year. And her performance? They really should have re-thunk giving her the award because of that flat hot mess that was going on.

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