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An Open Letter To Glee

May 11, 2010

Dear Glee,

I like you, I do. In fact, I championed you from the very beginning, way before anyone really caught onto your genius one liners and cheesy musical numbers. I eagerly awaited your arrival every week, and even began forcing my friends to come over for ‘Glee nights’ (but let’s keep that between us). Lately, though, you’ve let me down. I’m starting to regret that I ever even associated myself with you. You’re letting me down, and the second hand embarrassment is getting too much to handle. I still care, though, and feel like I owe it to you, like I would any friend, to sit you down and point out all the things I don’t like about you. This is my last attempt to salvage our relationship before I completely dissociate myself from this friendship. I don’t want slushies thrown at me any time soon.

Ease it on the overkill

You’re getting too big for your own shoes. There, I said it. I said it. Slow down a little, buddy. The CDs were fine – the first 3 times. How many are you going to milk out of a 22-episode run? Also, I’m all about promotion, but really, calm down a little bit. You’re on the cover of every magazine, spend weekends with Obama and Oprah, and you’re going on tour and creating a reality show. Let’s not forget you still haven’t completed a first season. You’ve become that annoying new friend that wants to sleep over every day, when all I want is a quiet night alone to catch up on some TV and masturbate. Ease up on the hysteria and think long term. You know what they say, in any relationship, you need to talk for 40% of the time and listen for the rest. So shut the fuck up. Even Hannah Montana had the decency to wait a couple of seasons before going on tour. Hannah Montana is 15.

Quit your bitching and eat your pizza

We get it, you’re a tough beast. 18 hour days go into your creation, and your cast spends their time rotating between dance workshops, filming, tour rehearsals, promotional activities, and recording. It must be pretty exhausting. But no one wants to hear about it. It sucks the fun out of watching your show, and ruins the care-free illusion you’ve worked so hard to create. And let’s be honest – thousands of kids would kill for a chance to do it. The next time I have to sit through one of your stars talking about how hard they work or complain about falling over while rehearsing a Lady Gaga number, I might just book a flight to LA, vomit all over them, and then fire their asses. Sit your cast down, and practice what Sue Sylvester preaches. You think this is hard? There are kids in a sweatshop creating your little costumes, and they don’t earn thousands of dollars an episode. That’s hard.

Continuity

You’re zany, cheesy, and unpredictable, and that’s what I loved about you at first sight. But there’s a limit. You’re a live-action, primetime television show, and the first half of your season worked so hard on setting up some serious story lines to run alongside the fun stuff. Quinn’s pregnancy and the emotional choices associated with it. Mr. Shue living in the midst of the economic downturn. Kurt’s coming out and conflict with his father. And then you took a couple of months off, and seem to have forgotten all about continuity. The new episodes are nothing but fluff, and if you think throwing in an after school special ‘I’m fat and they make fun of me but maybe if I sing this lame Christina Aguilera song I’ll feel better about myself’ episode is going to make me forget that, you’re wrong. You’re on Fox, not Cartoon Network. Take some responsibility and stick to your storylines – I can only enjoy the song and dance thing for so long. You couldn’t afford handicap ramps, but you can suddenly feature a full church choir for performances? Get real.

And, by the way, Mercedes could do with a workout every now and again.

Character Development

I’m not saying the main cast isn’t talented. But the Glee club is made up of 12 kids – why do we predominantly only see a few? Some of the kids are amazing dancers (Heather Morris, aka Brittany, was a Beyonce backup dancer, for the love of god) and are usually pushed to the back of the pack. The cheerleading duo has recently had some of the best one liners on the show, but that’s all it’s been – one line. When the cast showed up on Oprah, these people sat in the audience. That’s gotta hurt. Spread the love a little – we get that it’s hard to keep things moving with such a large cast, but it wouldn’t hurt to showcase everyone’s talents. Rachel’s big notes, Mercedes’ back up harmonizing, and the novelty of seeing a baby bump dancing around stage will only get you so far. And I’m not even getting started on Finn getting so many solos.

Your audience isn’t stupid, and if no one else is going to tell you this, I am. I care too much about you, because you had so much potential. Too many shows have been killed by hype (Heroes, anyone?) and I don’t want to see you fizzle out before you get the chance to redeem yourself in Season 2.

I guess what I’m trying to tell you is shit Glee, get it together.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. Terrisinator permalink
    May 12, 2010 6:03 pm

    Re: background characters

    I’m eagerly anticipating the episode where Brittany ceases to be a one-dimensional doofus slut. Surely she must be grappling with some deep seeded self-esteem issues?? I want to know about them, and then learn from them to be a better person, be myself, appreciate what I’ve got, and I want to learn it through song.

    I like Glee. It’s terrible and cheesy, but if you expect nothing more than to feel mildly embarrassed each time you watch it, then you can’t be disappointed! Plus you learn a wholesome life lesson each and every time.

  2. PLAZZY permalink
    June 3, 2010 9:49 pm

    THEY SHOULD SING GOOD GIRLS GONE BAD

    Puck should lead the male part.

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