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Year in ReviEWZ: Revisting Ewz’s 2010 Predictions

January 5, 2011

Between 12 months and 1 year ago, we at ewz literally predicted the future, or at least the future  we would like to see… lets see how many of our dreams came true (some of them were even serious!).

1. International law enforcement (Claude Van Inkens)

I would like to see the arrest and successful ICC prosecution of the political leaders responsible for organizing, inciting and permitting  the post-election violence in Kenya in 2008. If the LRA’s Joe Kony could also be captured/eliminated that would be an added bonus. Oh and while we’re dreaming let’s throw George Bush, the Israeli government, and Tony Blair in there too.

Claude on Claude: OK, so no arrests (not even arrest warrants) or prosecution, but the slow wheels of international justice have indeed rolled into Kenya with the naming of six suspects by the ICC prosecutor. The LRA  seem to have dropped of the media radar even though they are appear to be planning their own Christmas party. But I suppose there are more pressing things going on in the world (that’s right: they wrote books).

Verdict: 3/10 (meh). Fewer celebrity deaths (snugglebus)

Sure, sure…there are thousands of far more tragic deaths that happen every day, but the thing with anonymous deaths is, well, that they are fairly anonymous and therefore subject only to the usually dignified private grief of the few who knew and loved them. The celebrity deaths however unleashes a sensationalist orgy of mourning that I could kind of do without for a while. If we could see 2010 out without losing Amy Winehouse, Lindsey Lohan or more than one Olsen twin then that would be great. Thanks in advance, winds of fate.

Snuggles on Snuggles: I haven’t got any ‘evidence’, but since “opinions” are WAY better than “facts”, I am going to state with categorical certainty I got what I wished for and you are going to believe me. Sure we still lost a few of our bettersfamous people, but frankly I don’t remember anyone except the recently departed Leslie Nielsen, and he was hardly an MJ. Yay me!

Verdict: 9/10 (there is a god) The further rise of international cinema and the demise of Hollywood (theflithyviewer)

Come on Bollywood, Nollywood, Korean cinema! Over the past couple of years there has been a strong showing by “the other” in producing, filming and writing extraordinarily powerful works. It is about time that the monopoly that Hollywood has had on cinema comes to a close.

Filthy on Filthy: In the face of growing dominance by international cinema, Hollywood decided to put up a fight. Their secret weapon…another Toy Story movie3D. Action movies in 3D, Horror movies in 3D, animated movies in 3D, romantic comedies in 3-D, crappy movies in 3-*$%#-D. Thanks Avatar, you billion $ making over-hyped colorful piece of crap. Thanks for ensuring that, not only does Hollywood makes sequels, or remakes older or foreign films…but now they are all going to be in 3D. I weep for cinema.

Verdict: Erm…

4. Mark Zuckerberg’s email address, bbm pin, or even just his phone number (petitenemesis)

The guy created the most popular social networking platform in the world. With over 200 million users, the college-kid-come-business-mogul is all about ‘access’ and ‘sharing’, and claims that he is simply “trying to make the world a more open place.” Ironic then that his team hides behind veiled email addresses and avoid direct relationships.
Petitenem on Petitenem: a year ago, i wrote an open plea to mark zuckberg and his friends: man up to the openness you’re trying to create in facebook and be more accessible. maybe the font i picked was too small, but it didn’t seem to get the change i was hoping for. but, in 2010, i did get a lot more insight into the world they are creating.
from all the madness surrounding “the social network”, to time magazine selecting him as man of the year, the web has been thoroughly saturated with facebook related news. but the true saturation is not in how people have covered facebook, but rather in how facebook has covered the web. between redesigning their open-graphs and apis, they’ve created a truly social experience online. we’re digesting the web in a more relevant way and companies are changing the way they operate, market, exist because of that. can’t wait to see what the year ahead brings! (i’ll also be waiting for mark’s email address still…)
Verdict: 4/10 (I aimed high)
5.  More Sarah Palin (ontheborder)
Preferably a behind the scenes look at the Bristol-Levi Johnston situation (ala Britney/K-Fed stylez); more public appearances and speeches (with full transcripts, obv); more coverage of Todd Palin (the former ‘first dude’ is ripe for some kind of sex scandal); and definitely more rogue-ness ploise!
otb on otb: Ok, so I was kind of being sarcastic in requesting more SP, but unfortunately the (republican) gods do not read between the lines, and have in fact given us more Sarah Palin… and Bristol Palin… and Willow Palin… and Levi Johnston. Apparently joining Fox News was not enough for Sarah this year; she also went and got her own reality tv show (I’d be lying if I said I didn’t watch one episode). Also gaining the family more exposure was Bristol’s top performance on Dancing with the Star and the controversy of her lasting longer than Brandy…GASP! (conspiracy theorists claim the Tea Party launched ‘Operation Bristol’ into a voting frenzy). But lets not forget about the newest emerging star of the Palin family: Willow. Her debut appearance in the spotlight took place on Facebook, with rants that included anti-gay slurs and calling a Sarah-hater “effin fat as hell“. Way to stay classy, Willow.  (Un)fortunately for America the “first dude” stayed mostly out of the spotlight in 2010…but then there is always this year!
Verdict: 10/10 (0/10 if you don’t get sarcasm). More undeserving award recipients(einsteinsdreams)
I want to see more awards given to people who haven’t achieved anything in order to ‘inspire them to greatness’, or at least guide them away from wreaking rabid havoc on planet earth to more benignly mediocre output. Giving Obama the Nobel Prize was an inspired tactic. Just imagine the benefits to humanity that could be garnered by giving Jedward a Tony, Dan Brown a Pulitzer or Tiger Woods Father of the year….
EDreams on EDreams: Despite, in all my grand benevolentness, giving out perfectly legible instructions last year on how to make the world a better place vis a vis my evil genius, none of these perpetrators of gross crimes against good taste were thwarted by being given encouragement awards. As such, we have had to suffer the heinous consequences.  So my suggestions to The International Body of Award-Giving for the Promotion of a More Equal, Just and Generally Less Aggravating Society (better known as IBAGPMEJGLAS) are as follows: (i) To the Kardashian family, the award for most over exposed people since Paris (Hilton, not the city). Perhaps then satisfied with world domination they will just stay at home and leave the poor innocent people of planet earth in peace. (ii) Everything else, just give to Kanye West. You know its just going to make life easier for everyone. (iii) Finally for Justin Bieber, the award for – oh heck, just cut out the middle man and hire a hit man.
Verdict: 0/10 (ever get the feeling people take you for granted?)

il_fullxfull.jpg image by littlegraypixel7. The Death of Modern Day Journalism (sysh)
As the media sold more and more pointless stories about their own death, personally, as a writer, I couldn’t be happier. I can’t wait until we say our final goodbye to pointless coloumnists who know little or nothing about anything outside of their own self-involved head. I want to see a 2010 where newspapers are filled with actual information from people who actually know something about a subject. If you want to drone endlessly about 30 ways to a ‘better life’, that include suggestions such as “getting philosophical”, “rebranding yourself” and “switching on the power of empathy”, then start a blog– I’m looking at you, Observer.

Sysh on Sysh: It did die, sort of… or at least continued dying. But the bundle of chaotic retardation that emerged from the ashes flapping about hysterically like a disabled Phoenix was so grotesque that it made me long for the days when at least there was a monopoly on stupidity. Back then at least there was some level of control on the narrative: British student protesters were ‘inferal thugs’ vs. the student protesters are legitimately protesting against unjust policies. Now every idiot with a Twitter or Facebook account can run off with a story until the discussion is so disfigured and distorted that we are discussing how a disabled student with cerebral palsy was a threat to the police with absolutely zero irony. Thank God we have people like Julian Assange who can still shit on this discourse when it gets too ridiculous. Oh but wait, I heard he forced those women’s legs open…

Verdict 5/10 (kinda…sorta…maybe) More objects thrown at famous people (theflithyviewer)

Cos it’s funny. Nuff said.

Filthy on Filthy: Unfortunately, not many physical objects were thrown around this year. However, the stellar rise of WikiLeaks gave us something better. The hidden laundry of the powers-at-be unveiled to the eyes of the global audience. A metaphoric pie to the face of those in power…And watching them try to deal with it was hilarious.

Verdict: 1/10 (bonus point for Wikileaks reference)

9. The Rise of Hoodie Counter-Culture and the Demise of Hipsterdom (Claude Van Inkens)

2010 should see more threatening working-class kids with some aggresive and apolitical car burning revolt, less whimpish bourgie yuppies with i-phones and insuffarblely indulgent apolitically ironic fashion statements.

Claude on Claude: We saw angry kids and while I am not convinced they were all hoodies, working class or at all apolitical (quite the opposite unfortunately), there were burning cars and attacks on whimpish bourgie yuppies with insuffarblely indulgent apolitically ironic fashion statements. Hipsterism did however indeed demise and we got this wonderful catchy song to confirm that everyone hates hipsters, including hipsters. Anyway I still await the Hoodie Counter Culture. If you’re a self-hating hipster in denial and need to stay ahead of the trend, get yourself one of these.  You knob.

Verdict: 7/10 (solid but unspectacular)

britney_spears_umbrella.jpg image by BuffTennisJock10. Less Country Meltdowns, More Celebrity Meltdowns(kewlskewlboy)
It would be really cool if 2010 saw less country meltdowns in general. Less people dying, less misery, less exploitation, ahhh, that would be nice. Perhaps, for the sake of some yin/yang, we could see a rise in celebrity meltdowns? While Britney started off 2007 with a bang – quite literally – when she shaved her head and attacked cars with umbrellas, and Lindsay continued the insanity into 2008 with a career-ending public spiral, 2009 was unusually quite as far as celebrity meltdowns go. We don’t want deaths or domestic abuse – just some good old fashioned circus entertainment. Who knows, it might even save Somalia.

Kewls on Kewls: If 2009 was the desert of celebrity meltdowns, 2010 was a fucking rainforest. We were spoiled with multi-platform falls from grace that showered our glistening, pulsating, needy bodies. Mel Gibson warmed us up early in the year with his leaked phone calls, which revealed him to be racist, sexist, and a little bit of a genius (for introducing the word ‘sugartits’ into mainstream pop culture). This was quickly followed by Jesse James and his you-can’t-make-this-up mistress, Bombshell McGee, a true Hollywood story that even had a silver lining in the form of Sandra Bullock becoming America’s newest sweetheart. Paris Hilton gave us an unforgettable summer through her hilarious ordeal in which she tried convincing police her cocaine was chewing gum, before tweeting evidence against herself. Fan favorite Lindsay once again came to our rescue, landing behind bars and giving us the trial of a lifetime that saw live streaming video footage of her freaking out as she received her sentence, the now infamous fuck-you nail polish, and the snappy, side-eyeing judge that was the single-person incarnation of the worlds attitude towards Ms. Lohan. Disney proved that dreams really do come true when Demi Lovato closed up the year by punching a backup dancer in the face – for no reason – before checking herself into rehab for “personal issues” (which include anger management and an alleged affinity for Paris Hilton’s favorite brand of chewing gum). Thank you, baby Jesus.

Verdict: 10/10 (BOOM)

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